in limbo

dissapointing. the excitement maybe lasted a month. if I am lucky. but goddamnit I sit at a desk all goddamn day and I’m lucky I don’t already have glaucoma.  it’s ridiculous really. I mean to think that I went to school for the MAYORIA (yes that is spanish) of my life. and for what? a sweet laptop bag and work computer? I already have my own freaking computer at my hizzy. is that what we have been reduced down to? little drones sitting around hammering away at little plastic keys trying to justify just one more piece of candy today and that’s it. I don’t like it. where’s the love? the people???? making a difference??? the only difference I am making is how many times I can pound away on the keys on my phone. I can feel it in my blood. I was meant to roam. and sitting here is killing me slowly. there are so many starving children that need my help! so many homeless people that have every right to have a warm place to sleep. am I the only one that feels like this???? I am drowning in the possibilities rather than grasping them with an iron fist.  I am passively letting my life die and not doing anything about it. I need to volunteer stat, otherwise my heart just might very well explode.  am I selfish? I know a lot of people would kill for a job like this.  I am in love, I make money and I have a place to call my own.  I just want others to have this. I hate feeling like I could be doing something, yet my ass is still warming up my office chair as opportunity attempts to take out my knees, fix me to a harnass and whisk me away.  dream on lady. but who the shit bucket am I kidding? I have never been realistic and I sure as hell am not going to start now.  if that was my mindset I would not be where I am today. so eat it methodology and all the carefully weighed outcomes. this is my fucking life and I’m going to use it.